Securing Sexuality is the podcast and conference promoting sex positive, science based, and secure interpersonal relationships. We give people tips for safer sex in a digital age. We help sextech innovators and toy designers produce safer products. And we educate mental health and medical professionals on these topics so they can better advise their clients. Securing Sexuality provides sex therapists with continuing education (CEs) for AASECT, SSTAR, and SASH around cyber sexuality and social media, and more.
Links from this week's episode:
Sex Toys: Pleasure and Safety
In today's digital age, technology has infiltrated every aspect of our lives, including our bedrooms. One area where technology has made significant advancements is in the realm of sex toys. Gone are the days of simple vibrators and dildos; now, we have a plethora of high-tech gadgets designed to enhance pleasure and provide a safe and enjoyable sexual experience.
The Pleasure of Using Sex Toys
Variety and Customization: One of the most significant advantages of using sex toys in the digital age is the sheer variety and customization options available. With advancements in technology, manufacturers can create toys that cater to different desires and preferences. From vibrating toys with adjustable speeds and patterns to toys that can be controlled remotely via smartphone apps, the options are endless. This level of customization allows individuals to explore and discover new levels of pleasure.
Enhanced Stimulation: Digital sex toys have revolutionized the way we experience pleasure. They are designed to target specific erogenous zones, ensuring maximum stimulation and satisfaction. For example, some toys are designed to stimulate the G-spot or the prostate, leading to intense and mind-blowing orgasms. Additionally, many digital sex toys come equipped with various modes and patterns, allowing users to experiment and find the perfect combination for their pleasure.
Long-Distance Intimacy: Long-distance relationships can be challenging, especially when it comes to maintaining intimacy. However, with digital sex toys, couples can bridge the physical gap and experience pleasure together. Many toys offer remote-control capabilities, enabling partners to control each other's pleasure from afar. This not only enhances intimacy but also helps to maintain a strong connection despite the distance.
The Safety of Using Sex Toys
Body-Safe Materials: In the digital age, manufacturers are more conscious than ever about the safety of their products. Most reputable sex toy companies use body-safe materials such as medical-grade silicone or non-porous plastics. These materials are hypoallergenic, non-toxic, and easy to clean, making them safe for use on sensitive areas of the body. It is crucial to research and choose toys from trusted brands to ensure the highest safety standards.
Hygiene and Cleaning: Keeping sex toys clean is essential for maintaining good sexual health. Many digital sex toys are designed with hygiene in mind, featuring waterproof capabilities that make cleaning a breeze. Additionally, some toys come with removable or replaceable sleeves, reducing the risk of bacterial growth. Regularly cleaning sex toys with mild soap and warm water or using specially formulated toy cleaners helps to prevent infections and maintain a safe and healthy sexual experience.
Privacy and Security: With the rise of connected devices, concerns about privacy and security have become more prevalent. Sex toys that connect to smartphones or the internet may raise concerns about data breaches or unauthorized access. However, reputable manufacturers take privacy and security seriously, employing encryption and secure protocols to protect users' information. It is essential to read product reviews, research the manufacturer's security measures, and ensure that any connected toy is from a trusted source.
The digital age has revolutionized the way we experience pleasure and explore our sexuality. Sex toys have become more diverse, customizable, and technologically advanced, providing new levels of pleasure and intimate connections. However, it is crucial to prioritize safety when using these toys. By choosing body-safe materials, practicing good hygiene, and ensuring privacy and security, individuals can fully enjoy the pleasures that digital sex toys offer. Embracing technology in the bedroom can lead to a more fulfilling and satisfying sexual experience in the modern world.
Stefani Goerlich: Hello and welcome to Securing Sexuality, the podcast where we discuss the intersection of intimacy-
Wolf Goerlich: -and information security. I'm Wolf Goerlich.
Stefani: He's a hacker and I'm Stefani Goerlich.
Wolf: She's a sex therapist and together we're going to discuss what safe sex looks like in a digital age. So here's the thing, if you've been listening, you know, the odd episodes are usually just Stefani and I, right?
Stefani: Yeah, we are the odd ones.
Wolf: True, but I actually meant like odd-numbered. The odd-numbered episodes are usually just us chatting, and we're doing something special with that chatting time today. It's still going to be us, but we have a guest. We're going to be ringing in the holiday season. So Sarah Tomchesson is with us. She's a sex educator, a sex toy evangelist, a podcast host. Sarah is vice chair of the board of directors for SIECUS, sex-ed for social change, and LoveHoney’s resident sexual wellness advisor. She's also the host of the podcast “Fuck Yeah,” and has an online education program, Pleasure Practices, where she supports cultivating personal power through pleasure exploration.
Stefani: And today, she's here to help us officially start the holiday season. Today, we get to open up presents and we are super excited. Thank you for joining us. Sarah.
Sarah Tomchesson: Thank you for having me.
Stefani: So we have a love honey Advent calendar that was sent to us, and I am super excited. But I also have a disclosure to make, which is not news to the audience, but probably news to you. I am Jewish, so I'm not entirely certain what an Advent calendar is beyond the collection of box presents. So, can you tell me a little bit more about the holiday tradition before we get into the actual version that we have with us today?
Sarah: Yes. So Advent calendars historically helped you count down the days until Christmas, and there'd be a little treat in each box. And the reason LoveHoney was actually the first pleasure product company to make an Advent calendar. And the idea really is to bring that element of play and wonder and nostalgia that we associate with the holidays just in general and bring it into the adult space.
Stefani: I love that, and that explains why there are no Hanukkah Advent calendars because we have a lunar calendar and it would be different every year. Some years there would be, like three presents and other years it would be like it's never coming. Why am I purchasing the Advent calendar? So I love that you guys have a defined number of presents that we can go with. This is a cool tradition. I'm excited to share in it.
Wolf: As the non-Jewish person, I’m like, it is pretty cool. I do like the nostalgic part. I'm like, Ah, I remember that when I was a wee lad.
Stefani: So what were they like for you when you were growing up?
Wolf: Well, we are poor, So it's like, Here's a rock. Here's a pretty rock but here's, you know, a stone.
Sarah: So you do not have that?
Wolf: No, we would do it, but it was much simpler and it was very small, very simple gifts, like maybe a piece of chocolate or a piece of fruit. Or maybe something that my father would have like whittled out of wood. I'm sounding very backdoors this whole culture.
Sarah: I mean, I will say I do this with my daughter and I'll, you know, put a quarter in or a piece of chocolate or a little, you know, sweet treat that she can have in the morning, and the love and the LoveHoney advent calendar is much more robust.
Stefani: OK, so the norm is little small things to kind of get you with the holiday spirit. It's not necessarily a huge gift every day, but LoveHoney is not only bringing pleasure and intimacy into the idea of the Advent calendar. They’re also, it sounds like, kind of upping the scale of what might be inside
Wolf: I think so. The look, judging on the size of the box, and thank you, Sarah, for bearing me out of that. As I'm explaining, I'm like. All right, so we've got a lovely purple box in front of us. It's pretty big.
Stefani: It's pretty big. I mean, full disclosure. It got a little squished in shipping, but that would be a postal issue, not a LoveHoney issue. So, shall we open it?
Sarah: Yeah, open it up.
Stefani: Oh, wow.
Sarah: And you know, I think that there's a lot of different ways to approach this advent calendar. Certainly, folks could do the traditional open one box, one door every day leading up to December 25th. You could also look at it as just a really fun couples exploration. So anytime you have a date night, let's open a box and see what comes out. So I am going to have you open box number or door number 1, and then I want to - I'm going to rapidly have you open a few others so I can tell you what I think is exciting about the very first product that's in the box.
Stefani: And I will say for my fellow members of the tribe, there are 24 boxes, so you could actually use this for Hanukkah. You would just do three a day instead of one a day. So let's open door at number one. OK, we have a little bullet.
Sarah: Yes, a classic silver bullet. This one is rechargeable, and this is actually what I think is quite clever about the LoveHoney Advent calendar. It's a multi-speed bullet. You can use it on its own, but the idea with the calendar is that the exploration is going to expand as you go, and so if you open, there's a number of boxes that you could open next that this bullet is compatible with. So you could go to number 2, or number 5, or number 13, and you can see what I'm talking about. Number 18 is bullet-compatible as well.
Stefani: Do you have a preference for which one?
Sarah: Let's do let's do 5 and 2.
Stefani: OK, so here comes two.
Wolf: All right. So not only would you use these on a date night, Uh, but they would build off each other like, Oh, we did this a couple of days ago. I see. All right.
Stefani: Oh, this is squishy.
Wolf: What am I looking at?
Stefani: Oh, this looks like- this looks like a sleeve of some kind. I suspect I have some male clients who might enjoy this. Oh, so we have a white or clearish sort of silicone sheath and Wolf has already figured out the bullet fits inside.
Stefani: So talk to us, Sarah. I'll open 5 while you talk about 2.
Sarah: So the reveal here is that and what I think is kind of clever about making this advent calendar so accessible to folks. I mean, you can really fill out your entire sex toy drawer with this calendar for much less than you would spend to buy products individually. And part of the reason is because many of the shapes that are in the calendar you can use them on their own, or you can insert the bullet into them to make them vibrating. So this Stroker is fantastic. Ribbed has a really nice sensation if you want to use it on its own. But then you put the bullet in, and it's going to just enhance the experience. And similarly, you just opened number 5, which is a silicone, slightly curved purple dildo that has a nice kind of classic shape. And once you put the bullet inside, it becomes vibrating, so you can use it as an external vibrator. You can explore a little bit of stimulation internally as well. You could put it into a harness. It's really versatile.
Wolf: I don't want to take the bullet out of this one yet.
Stefani: You can keep the bullet for a while.
Wolf: Well, I will say, you know, I do appreciate this. This is something I oftentimes tease her about because, you know, being from the technology world, all this, uh, is is usually pretty new to me. And one of the things that has always struck out to me is there's so many options for women, and then the men's stuff looks like a hardware store. It's like you have your lawn mower, flashlight or, you know, and it's always very, very limited, not very creative and very rarely goes together. So, I'm liking number two.
Stefani: I have a question about the dildo. I like the size and the shape. It is smooth. It is purple. It is not one that is necessarily anatomically realistic, which I know for a lot of my clients, it makes them feel more comfortable. And I'm curious about the flared base. You said that it will fit in a harness with this also would be appropriate for anal play. Or would you recommend No.
Sarah: Yeah, that's a great question. You know, um, it really depends on the person. There are some toys in the kit specifically designed for anal, but technically, anything with a flared base is safe to use for anal penetration. I think, given that it is Day 5, that might be something that folks come back to later, after they have tried the plug that's in door 8, or the silicone beads that are in door 18, and then they're like, Oh, I might be ready to size up and have something just a little girthier. But absolutely, it can be used for that. And let's actually open door 13 because you can see there's a really nice U-shaped, silicone shape, and the thing I love about this Advent calendar, is everything is body safe that all of the inserts are silicone, or there is one metal plug in there, which is non-porous. So, um, you would insert So this is like it's a U-shape. One side has an insert, a hole for the bullet, and this is one that you could absolutely use for dual stimulation of the G area or the prostate. And I just think it's again such a nice kind of universal, fun toy that both partners can explore with.
Stefani: And everything we've opened-
Sarah: -to all partners.
Stefani: Yeah, that's it. The ALL piece is exactly where I was going. Nothing is super super gendered. Nothing is either super masculine or super feminine. I'm seeing you know, like this lovely frosted silicone for the sheathe. Um, the purples, the black silicones for the insertables. This, um, is nice for my client population because I work with a lot of gender fluid, a lot of non-binary identifying folks. And so, you know, having the pinks and the teals makes my heart happy. Like as evidenced by my hair, desk, office and literally everything else about me. But a lot of people don't want their toys to be super gendered. And so far, everything that we've seen, I would feel comfortable handing it to all of my clients across the gender spectrum. And I think that the vast majority of them would find something here that they would want to play with. I love this curved toy. I like the ribbing texture against, um, What might be for clitoral stimulation if a female person is using it. Um, but everything is so, um inclusive so far. And I'm loving that.
Sarah: Yeah, the secret application or use of the advent calendar. As soon as I opened mine, I thought, This is a play party, an orgy in a box like you could buy this and just bring it to your sex party and everyone gets to open it and pick the things I mean, You'd probably need a few more bullets, you know, and lots of lube. But it is really kind of universal. And I guess just one other thing I want to shout out about that U shape because, um, I think people think of dual action toys as a very vulva-centric design because, you know, it kind of goes internally and stimulates the urethral sponge, also known as the G area, from the inside and then the clitoris from the outside, but the perineum - So if you're going to use it anally, the, um, that sort of surround sound that you can create with dual action toys is just as orgasmic or expansive anally as vaginally. So, um, and because the bullet can be taken out, you can boil that silicone shape and totally disinfect it and use it in lots of different ways or with multiple partners.
Stefani: Love it. I love what you said about the sex party. I'm thinking back to like the old seventies key parties. So maybe keys in a fish bowl. Everybody just picks a number. And that's your creative exploration for the night. Mom, if you're listening to this one, skip that last piece.
Wolf: Ok, wait, does your mom listen to this?
Stefani: She's very proud of us.
Sarah: Aw, I love it.
Wolf: This could be awkward. Can you go back to the boiling part? And you also were talking about the material science and safety.
Wolf: So yeah. What makes these, from a material science perspective, safe? And when would I clean things? How would I clean things? Because I never thought about boiling a toy.
Sarah: Yeah. So, silicone toys are able to be disinfected. They're a non-porous material, meaning that they don't absorb any bacteria or anything that they're coming into contact with. So in practice, for me, I often just wash my toys - my silicone toys - with a body-safe soap. Some people will say, like, use alcohol. And the thing is, is if you're not going to put it on your sensitive bits, then I don't suggest that you use it to clean your toys. But of course, everyone has different comfort levels. And if cleaning your toys with alcohol and letting them air dry, and that makes you feel more comfortable, please keep doing that. But silicone can be boiled to fully disinfect any sort of residual vaginal juices or, uh, bacteria that it's come into contact with in the anus. You can also put them in the top shelf of your dishwasher. But the bummer with that is that it's not a great idea to use the dishwashing soap. So you kind of need to run a load of all sex toys and just have the hot water run through. So I don't recommend doing it with your dishes.
Wolf: Have you done that? Should I?
Stefani: Oh, no, I absolutely have. And part of why. Part of why is because coming back to, you know, science and engineering and mechanics. Modern dishwashers actually use less water than hand washing. So not only can you get a hotter water than what you know the human hand can comfortably tolerate, but it's actually more environmentally efficient to run a load of just sex toys than it is to stand at the sink and let the water run while you're hand washing it in the same way that hand washing dishes actually uses more water than running a smaller load of dishes.
Wolf: All right, things I learned on this podcast.
Stefani: Speaking of things we learned, though, I had I stumbled across the conversation online the other day that had a cleaning suggestion I had never heard of before. And I've got my sex educator counterpart. I wanted to run it by you. I was browsing through a homesteading subreddit. Don't ask me why, I don't homestead in the modern world. I have no intention of learning how to can, but something the algorithm had led me there, probably because people were talking about sex toys. And this person was saying that they wanted to be living off-grid. They wanted to be living disconnected from, you know, like electricity and water and all that stuff. But they still wanted a way to sterilize sex toys, which I think is a really - When I think of homesteading, I think of like, you know, canning and quilting. I don't think of sex parties, but modern concerns. And one of the suggestions that was made - I had literally, in my entire career, never heard before. And what they suggested was apparently, you can buy tablets to sterilize baby bottles now that are safe to consume and will also sterilize the bottles, and their suggestion was, if it will sterilize something safe enough to feed your infant out of it. Surely it would be OK for your dildos and your insertables. And I was confused and intrigued. And I'm curious what your thoughts are.
Sarah: Yeah. I mean, I would want someone to test that, you know, and actually, then see how much bacteria or, um, you know, residual stuff is still on the surface of the toy. I like it in theory, but I also think that if you're living off the grid you have access to fire. You can put a boiling pot of water over your fire and boil the toys, so I don't have any information about whether that actually works. But there are UV pouches now that will do UV sterilization. And you know you can - I mean, I don't know to what extent this person is trying to live off the grid, so, you know, perhaps buying things like UV pouches or, you know, pure med spray, which, you know, kills both the bacteria and the viruses that might be on the surface of a toy. Maybe that's against their principles. So I would say, you know, something like a toy that doesn't have a battery pack. That’s the downside of boiling is that if you've got something like a wand massager, you're not going to be able to stick it into a pot of boiling water, in which case I keep pure med spray around and I spray the surfaces of my toys down and wipe them down to make them clean and safe to use the next time around.
Stefani: All right, so UV patches pure med spray, but baby bottle sanitizing tablets TBD for what is needed.
Wolf: But it reminds you of hiking right when you're hiking, you don't want to use the water tablets. You want to boil the water, even though you can. You know, there's always concern that it would go far enough. So, you know, I could see I could see the point. I just boil it.
Stefani: See if this proves my point. Not a homesteader, not a hiker. I’ve got to ask the experts.
Wolf: Backwoods, outdoorsy, and apparently backdoorsy, is what I said? That was bad. That was bad. Keep going.
Sarah: OK, so one of my all-time favorite products that I think is really great for folks who are new to bondage, but also for you know advanced players is in door number 22.
Wolf: Door number 22.
Sarah: And the accessories to it are door 15 and door 3, which, you know, you would open them on their own first, and they are usable without the full set, but this is the under-the-mattress restraint system, and it comes with wrist and ankle cuffs that you attach. And I worked for Pleasure Chest for many years. It was a retailer that was very - it had, you know, kink roots from the seventies. You know, we had a lot of pretty hardcore, very committed kinky players who came in and shopped with us. And I just always loved introducing them to things like the under-the-mattress restraints because, you know, sometimes you just need something that's quick and easy to use. So the way that these work is they take about 10 minutes to set up, but then it really is kind of a set-it-and-forget-it situation. You want to take your mattress off the bed, and then there's a long kind of nylon strap that runs the length of your bed, and it has straps that come off to the sides, and you attach cuffs to them. You put your mattress back on, and then you just tuck the cuffs under your mattress, and then your body weight holds the restraint system down, and you can explore full-body bondage. Granted, you're laying down. It's not quite the same as, say, having a Saint Andrew's Cross, but it's just a really fun way to introduce bondage play into your relationship or to have an easy, accessible way to explore it, say, on a weeknight. And I love these.
Stefani: This is something that, um, I have talked to my clients about that a lot of them are familiar with. And one of the uses that I recommend for the under-the-bed restraints are for my kinky folks who are parenting. Because they might have a budget that would let them have a Saint Andrew's cross in their bedroom, but they're also living with smaller people who would ask questions about that cross, and it's a lovely way to have some form of I'm going to say, you know, dungeon equipment in their bedroom that's easily tucked in between the mattress and box spring when it's not in use. So even if somebody is, you know, in a 24/7 lifestyle dominant-submissive dynamic just because that's their everyday life doesn't mean that they have a household or a living space that will let them have all of the toys in accouterment they might want just easily available. And these are a lovely, subtle way to bring elements of your dynamic into a space that might not be entirely private. I love them.
Wolf: What about traveling? So we're recording this on a day after I got stuck and the plane that had maintenance problems and all sorts of delays and I ended up getting home way too late. So I'm still sort of booting up this week, but you know, I go through airports all the time. Can these be taken through airport security?
Sarah: Yeah. I love that you brought up airport security because there's one thing I want to mention about silicone toys and airport security. But first I'm going to answer your question, which is; these are just really simple black nylon straps and Velcro essentially, So it's really not going to set off any alarms, even if someone were to open your bag and look through it. There's nothing that is quote-unquote menacing about these materials, or you know it's going to set off any concerns. So I think that they're fantastic for, say, bringing to a conference or, if you're going on vacation, a really fun way to bring the bondage set up with you. And my sidebar on this is for folks who are concerned about going through airport security with sex toys. One thing to know is that silicone reads as a liquid under that X ray machine. So I have definitely been traveling with sex toys. I just always know that if they're in my carry-on, I'm going to get pulled aside. And for the most part, TSA has been really respectful with me. I know people have had other experiences, certainly, but I think that they're getting a little bit more savvy about the fact that people have sex toys, they travel with them, you don't need to be calling them out, but that is something to be aware of that it is a good idea to put your silicone toys into your checked bag, if possible, Or just, you know, prepare that you might get pulled aside with your silicone toy.
Wolf: I did not know that.
Stefani: So I didn't know that silicone read as a liquid. But I have an amusing TSA scanner story because years ago I was traveling to an event. I was doing a workshop, actually talking about sex toys and different sex toys and how sex therapists could recommend different products to their clients. So I had a robust collection with me, and I also went there, not a problem. TSA no issue. In fact, the people that had hosted the event gave out these little like hand warmers where they were heart-shaped and you bend the metal disc and it goes from liquid and it solidifies and heats up. And because it was Chicago in the winter, it was really one of the best swag ideas I've ever seen. So I loved it because you can boil it and reuse it. And I live in Michigan. I'm bringing it back with me. And what I didn't know was those hand warmers when they've solidified look like C4 to TSA. I don't know why they thought I would take the time to craft a heart-shaped bomb, but they absolutely did. So not only did I get pulled aside, every single toy I had brought with me was very carefully unpacked, laid out in a row, and individually swabbed for explosive residue. And this was at the busy time. I'm glad I'm confident and comfortable with sex toys, because people probably, I would say, close to five or six dozen people walked by because it's a long process to swab and put at the machine. And there's just like an entire table of sex toys. And I'm just seeing you there. I'm not bombing the plane. If I was, I wouldn't make it heart-shaped. I’d make it pink. I don't know about heart-shaped, but that was my lesson. And today I've learned that silicone looks like liquid. Then I learned that hand warmers look like C4. So if you can just check your bags, guys.
Wolf: Don't travel with hand warmers. Don't travel with silicon, but you can travel with under-the-bed straps.
Stefani: Do you want to know something funny from our conference that involves under-the-bed straps?
Stefani: One of our attendees wanted to bring under-the-bed straps with them to the conference in Detroit, and what they did was they actually wrapped it multiple times around the outside of their luggage and then took the rings and used a TSA safe padlock. So it looked like they were just holding their luggage closed and making it easy to find. But also there was nothing for TSA to open and no questions to be asked. And when they got to our hotel, took off the padlock, put the restraints under the bed, and they were good to go.
Wolf: I love our people, thats classic.
Sarah: That's so great.
Stefani: There is a workaround for traveling with almost any toy except handcuffs. We've learned not to travel with handcuffs.
Wolf: That's a whole other story.
Stefani: Where should we go next, Sarah?
Sarah: OK, we have two left, and I think let's open them both. So let's do 23 and then the, you know, big present at the end of the advent, and we'll talk about it.
Stefani: I like this.
Sarah: Yes, So this is, once you put the bullet in a vibrating cockring, and I love Cock Rings for so many different things. I think that they are so versatile. They're designed to be worn on the Penis and to give vibration to the receiving partner during Penis in vagina sex. But you can take that vibrating cocking, and you can turn it around so that it's vibrating against the testicles, which for some folks, vibration on the scrotum feels so good. You can put it on your hand and use it during hand sex, and this vibrating cocker has just like a really nice reach and curve to it. So it's just more ergonomic and, you know, fits the body. Our curvaceous bodies need ergonomic toys.
Stefani: I love certain cock rings, and this would be one of them as an adaptive toy for folks that have grip issues. My clients with arthritis, my clients with mobility issues, because when it's not super stretchy, when it's got some stretch. But it's not like, you know, the old jelly cock rings, they can put it on their fingers and then have their hand in whatever position is most comfortable for them. If that's, you know, a natural fist because of the way that their joints are. If it's more open because gripping something is hard, however, they need to position their hand to be comfortable. They can put the cockring around their fingers and use it as an adaptive toy to pleasure their partner as well. And this is one that, as I am playing with it, is really nice for that purpose because it fits comfortably on like the two middle fingers. But it's not so stretchy that it's not gonna stay in place and let it serve that adaptive purpose. So I really like this.
Sarah: Yeah, I mean, I love toys that are versatile and can be used in lots of different ways. Can go on the whole journey with you can, you know. And that whole journey, also being that we are all going to experience changes in our abilities. As time goes on, you know our hands are going to get arthritis. We're going to have a hard time pressing tiny little buttons. We're going to get cramps. There's gonna be certain positions that are uncomfortable, so toys that can really adapt as to take your phrase are really fantastic. So I love the vibrating cockring. It can be used in the traditional way, but you can use it in so many other ways. Um and I think you know, there are some more toys in here that are designed for penises. But I wanted to make sure that we opened at least one other because I know that you had mentioned that that was a plus to you.
Wolf: I absolutely think it is, because again, almost every time we go - any show we go to, it's always like all the women stuff. And then there's the guy over in the corner. So, I need I feel like I need to advocate for my fellow man and also I while advocating for my fellow men, this is a lovely shade of of, um, purple. It's very, very attractive. And it doesn't have that, like cock ring is made with camel and chrome. The hardware section, right? This is a pretty cool-looking thing.
Stefani: My brain got stuck on a camo cockring At first I actually thought you said camel and I was really confused.
Wolf: The camel cockring is different. That's what you use when you're in the desert. But we are not in a desert climate. We're in a wet climate.
Stefani: But you're right. When we were just at EroFame and there were so many creative ways for, you know, vulvas to experience pleasure. And when it came to anyone with a penis, it was almost like there was an assumption that they didn't have a partner. Everything was, you know, a silicone doll - which serves a purpose - or a fleshlight or a disjointed pelvis. There was very little that I could envision using with another person, and I think that that was a deficit that we both noticed is there's this idea that if you have a vulva, you have somebody that's playing with it with you. And if you have a penis, you're probably on your own. And I don't know that that's necessarily, um, adequately addressing the market gap because the vast majority of my clients are partnered or married or dating. They're not necessarily looking for something they can use solo. They like things that they can. But most of the people that I work with that want to talk about sex toys are looking for ways to enhance and expand their relationship with another person. And that's where I don't think we see a lot of things in the male or penis space. And this has been really refreshing in that respect.
Sarah: That’s great to hear. OK, let's open 24 the final one.
Wolf: Over to the last one. Open it, Open it slow. Oh, make it last.
Stefani: It's a womanizer. Everybody I know loves a womanizer.
Stefani: Do you know what a womanizer is?
Wolf: I have no idea. Do I put it on my nose?
Stefani: I mean, you could if it was on.
Wolf: OK, so just a quick side note, right? Like I learned, you know, the whole clapping trick for bourbon, right? You clap, you can smell the oak and everything. Very recently, very recently, considering our life way too. Recently, I was like, Why do everyone put these things up to their nose? And she's like, because that's how you test them. Here's what that looks like. Here's what it feels like. So now whenever I go to the things, the first thing I do is I put it on my nose, but I definitely feel like a connoisseur. I'm heading down that path.
Stefani: Because the tip of the nose is very sensitive. And you can't test-drive sex toys. You need a more hygienic way to do that. And so you can put it on the tip of your nose and get an approximate sensation of what you might experience when you use it.
Wolf: And then you make the same face that you make when you're you're testing one like Oh, that's very full body. Oh, yes. So let me. But he claps as if a clear. Yes, I've got a whole routine for the conference. I will embarrass you.
Stefani: Indeed, you're absolutely right.
Sarah: I also think a nice spot to test sex toys is just the inside of your elbow or kind of behind the ear, the side of the neck. Just any areas that you find particularly sensitive on your body because, you know, when you're testing it on your hands, these nerve endings are pretty desensitized, so it doesn't translate really at all. So the thing that you have just opened, it sort of looks like a little spaceship because it has a handle on it, and then it has a head with a gosh. Now I'm getting tested and describing things without being able to see them.
Wolf: Do we need to hold it up to the camera?
Stefani: It almost looks like an octopus tentacle, but with only one.
Sarah: Yes, thank you. That is a way better description. So this is a pleasure air toy. And for folks who have not experienced pleasure air, the way that it works is it's using changes in air pressure to stimulate. This is a toy that is designed for the clitoris. There is a toy called Arc Wave ion, which has adapted pleasure air technology for the underside of the head of the penis. Not that you couldn't try this there, but really, the arc wave is designed to envelop the whole Penis. So this little octopus suction tentacle, you apply just a little bit of lubricant there, put it onto the clitoris, and it creates kind of a suction seal. And what's different about pleasure air from other suction toys - Because this was the original, and then a whole bunch of companies started making suction toys - is because it's not directly stimulating the clitoris. It never comes into contact. You don't get the same kind of numbing effect as can happen with a suction toy. And the Womanizer Classic, which you have here in the Advent calendar, has a couple enhanced features that I really like. They changed the variation between the different levels, so it has 10 intensities, but it builds very subtly between them because this sensation can be quite intense for some folks. So it's not that they increase the range from low to high, but they added intensities in between to make the progression as you increase more subtle and more pleasurable. And there is an afterglow feature because a lot of folks experience a pretty strong orgasm with a womanizer, and the afterglow feature has a button where you press it, and then it just very slowly brings you down and helps you transition out of your, um, your orgasm. And so all of that information is in the card, which is in the box with the toy. And, what else do I want to say? Oh, the Pleasure Air is really the closest thing to simulating oral sex of any sex toy that has been created. I would argue is one of the best new technologies to hit the sex toy market. In the last 10 years.
Stefani: I have seen some really terrible attempts to stimulate oral sex in toys. A couple of years ago, when I was doing my sexology training, my classmates and I did a gift exchange for the holidays, and I sent my person who's on our board now. She's one of our friends. She and I frequently collaborate, a toy because I thought it was hilarious. I didn't actually expect it to be useful. I just thought it was funny, but it was literally a wheel of tongues. It almost It was like this disc contraption that you held that was the axle for the wheel and you turned it on and it just kind of like, spun around and like, batted at the anatomy and it looked hilariously dumb. So of course I had to send it to her to try, and it worked about as well as you could imagine. She was not impressed.
Sarah: This is like the porn version of oral sex.
Wolf: Haha, ‘the porn version of oral sex’. This is one like I don't know all the names of the toys. But this is one I do know because you brought this up a lot, right? Like a lot of your clients seem to really enjoy this sensation.
Stefani: Especially for people that struggle with anorgasmia and with the difficulty in climaxing. Sometimes part of the barrier is their partners are just going too hard, too fast, too much. And instead of feeling relaxing and pleasurable, it becomes overwhelming. And, you know, I. I talk a lot about why people like bdsm and why people like sensory play, and part of it is the intensity of things. And even if we're doing something that's not painful, if something is incredibly intense, our nerve endings in our brain can't differentiate between the two. And that intensity gets registered as discomfort gets registered as pain. And so when I have clients that are trying to figure out sort of their orgasm roadmap, if they have a partner, that's like, I know how to get you there. If it's not working, I'll go faster. If it's not working, I’ll do this. If it's not working. I'll do more and often that becomes counterproductive because instead of it being pleasurable. The intensity is uncomfortable. And so a lot of my clients in that situation really love a womanizer because it is gentle and it's not physically touching them. So there is that, you know, nerve release, I would say, but they can adjust the intensity to get where they need to be without overwhelming their nerve endings and taking it to a place that's too intense to be pleasurable.
Sarah: Yes, yeah, absolutely. I mean, I love all of the womanizer products. I love that they're waterproof and you can take them into the bath. They're really, really nice for solo play. I will say I also incorporate the womanizer into my couple's play because I think one of the things that a lot of folks struggle with, you know, regardless of who you're in partnership with, there's this desire to have the simultaneous orgasm right, and it's just like it's a myth, y'all. It's going to happen every now and then, but it's really not. I don't think should be the goal. And so the womanizer is just a really nice way to bridge that gap, where perhaps one partner has experienced their orgasm and is starting to come down, and then you introduce the womanizer into the mix. And both of you have experienced a really pleasurable journey and also reached climax. And so I think I think the womanizer has brought a lot to the sex toy game.
Stefani: Well, I have loved learning both about the Advent calendar tradition and a whole bunch of toys that you know, I might be familiar with. But hearing about from an expert and the thoughtful intentionality of how they're curated to go together is really fun for me. I'm so excited that you were able to join us, Sarah. I know that this was a pretty rapid, like, Let's get this on the calendar and I'm excited that we got to do it.
Wolf: Absolutely. And we still have other boxes left that we can open later.
Stefani: Yeah, you know, we could spread it out over the weekend. We can embrace the Advent theme for a couple of days.
Sarah: Yeah, this was so fun. Thank you for having me. And if anybody is interested in getting their own Advent calendar, we have two 12-day calendars on the site on LoveHoney.com or LoveHoney.ca depending on where you are. And we have this wonderful 24-day advent calendar as well. And, you know, because of capitalism, we have started our black Friday sale already. So you are going to get it at just the best price that you would ever be able to buy this many toys for. So I encourage folks to take advantage of those black Friday deals. If you are really wanting to stock up for a sex party, for your sexual adventures in the year ahead, for just a really nice holiday gift.
Wolf: We're going to make sure we put those links in the show notes for everybody. Uh, I will also say that none of these have been connected to my phone or the Internet, So it also seems to be a very secure gift idea.
Stefani: But I think that that opens up something that's important to say. You know, we talk a lot about security. We talk a lot about privacy. Securing Sexuality is part of a nonprofit endeavor. We actually don't ever have advertisers on the podcast. We turn down advertising inquiries. So for us to do a product-centric episode, I think speaks really highly to LoveHoney, and to the products that you guys put out and to the thoughtfulness that you put into not only curating things like this but just designing products for all kinds of in general. But my point is that Wolf and I talk a lot about how to choose things wisely and how to make smart decisions around sextech and sex toys and intimacy. And so I just, you know, want to say that doing this process with you really is a statement from us about what we think of LoveHoney, as a product as, um a a safe company as an inclusive company. And I'm so grateful that you were willing to join us today.
Sarah: Thank you for having me.
Wolf: Thanks for joining us. And thank you, listener, for tuning in to Securing Sexuality. Your source of information you need to protect yourself and your relationships.
Stefani: Securing Sexuality is brought to you by the Bound Together Foundation a 501c3 nonprofit, together with our conference sponsor Focivity. From the bedroom to the cloud, we're here to help you navigate safe sex in a digital age.
Wolf: Be sure to check out our website, securing sexual dot com for links to more information about what we discussed here today, as well as our live events.
Stefani: And join us again for more fascinating conversations about the intersection of sexuality and technology. If you get an Advent calendar, send us an email and tell us about your unboxing experience and we'll see you next week.